Writing to you from my not-so-swanky-hotel in Nashville - it’s now day 20 of this record-writing summer oasis and I’m in some kind of wonderful creativity bubble. For the past 2 years straight I have toured supporting Be Here, and it was fantastic. Touring is amazing, invigorating, exhausting…. it’s a very outward thing. But strangely, by the middle of June when my 53 steps tour wrapped up, I actually didn’t feel that drained. I love performing, I get so much energy from it and from you guys and ugh, I was devastated that I wouldn’t get to be on stage for a while. I remember Craig & I listening to depressing music & commiserating about how sad it would be to be done on the long drive back from the midwest.
And there was something else….
I think I was totally terrified to start creating again. All of these dark things started filling up my head, like… what if I just had no more good songs in me, what if I kind of sucked as a songwriter and now everyone would find out for SURE, what if my awesome new publishing company found out they made a terrible mistake investing in me and I wrote crap and had no idea how to evolve my sound. Bla bla bla. I don’t know about you, but my mind can be quite mean sometimes.
When July came and it was time to end our heavenly Maine lake house vacation, i had no nails left. I remember the flight to LA, panicking and digging through my voice memos to find any old song ideas I had rattled off backstage, or in cars, or in half sleep states.
But…when my first session started the next day and ideas started coming quickly and good lyrics, I mean good fucking lyrics started pouring out of me, I realized I had nothing to be scared of. I can still write, more honestly and better than before even, and holy crap, my well has been completely filled up the past 2 years. It’s like a faucet has opened and this stuff, all of the exhaustion, exhilaration, heartbreaking and heart lifting stuff that has happened have been just waiting to come out of me in song form.
And this other thing keeps happening. It’s like I’m healing myself from these songs - there are things that hurt that I thought I was not affected by that keep coming up and are asking me to write about them, and I can now. Like I can work through what I guess my mind knew I might not be strong enough to if I didn’t have the vehicle of art to help me.
I have also learned so many songwriting techniques and nifty twisty tricks from the incredible people I’ve gotten to work with and I have surprised myself again and again with my own ability….it feels very good.
Well that’s about it for now - I will try to update more soon - hopefully more succinctly next time ;) Thank you for your support & for your patience as I create this new baby.
“‘Look at Rihanna: She’s one of the biggest pop stars in the world. She’s really famous, really powerful, really rich. Yet in every single video she can only wear panties. Poor Rhianna! We’ll know when she is properly powerful and successful when we see her in a lovely cardigan.’”—Caitlin Moran - in an interview about her new post feminist novel - How to be a Woman
As you guys might have seen in the past..my sweet mom likes to send my sister and I emails with quotes she hears from her yoga classes. I loved this one from her….
Ps. Note her inclusion of the page number - ever so grammatically correct ;)
The Essence of Wisdom
by Stephen Mitchell
” I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved
in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they
were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search
for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would
not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.
Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it,
live your way into the answer. “